the last question

“Pain demands to be felt”, you say.

Can profound thoughts be experienced?


I can’t sleep 

without listening to Beethoven

one of my habits.


I cry over fictional characters

I can find solace in books.


I can think of hundred things 

we can share

grief is one.


I have eternal questions

that haunt me

but I don’t necessarily

have to know the answers.

Like Sisyphus I’m content

to push the rock to the summit 

and repeat the process 

after the rock falls down again.


But then I think for a moment

what if the” last good kiss I had 

was years ago?”


note: I’m currently reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. The lines “pain demands to be felt” and “last good kiss” are taken from The Fault In Our Stars.


Books I finished reading: Tinkers by Paul Harding and Levels of Life by Julian Barnes. One of the essays Barnes wrote is on Grief, its phases and faces. 




why do I have to change

“Everything changes…That things change is the reason why you suffer in this world and become discouraged. [But] when you change your understanding and your way of living, then you can completely enjoy your life in each moment. The evanescence of things is the reason you enjoy your life.”

-attributed to Shunryu Suzuki -quoted in Eleven Rings by Phil Jackson