Hidden things

Slippage, sleep page, lines dangling
Fumbled utterance after waking

When one or two heartbeats are misplaced
Though not missing, we feel fear

Failing once we will fail again
When far away from the divine

How can we return to life
Our mind filled with emptiness and fear
Going through raiding guns and raging
Fire, names unaccounted for and missing?

In the brightness of a full daylight
We have to look for what is hidden
To make our life whole again.


To face a charging bull
I have to be a fearless girl
First step.

I have to think fast
For the second step and the third.
It’s not a dress rehearsal.

Intuition is a fugitive
Stands in front of beauty and terror
Life, in-between.

I surrender
Faith in myself
to God.





“In Scripture, the opposite of faith is not doubt but anxiety. To lack faith is not so much to have theoretical doubts about God’s existence as it is to be anxious and fearful at a deep level…

It is this kind of anxiety, the deep fear that we have been forgotten, that pushes many of us to make an assertion of our lives. Nobody wants to live and die unnoticed, insignificant, forgotten. This anxiety is the opposite of faith. It is not so much the fear that God doesn’t exist, as the fear that God doesn’t notice our existence.

What is faith? Faith doesn’t have you believe that you will have no worries, or that you will not make mistakes, or that you and your loved ones won’t sometimes fall victim to accident or sickness. What faith gives you is the assurance that God is good, that God can be trusted, that God won’t forget you, and that, despite any indication to the contrary God is still solidly in charge of the universe. Faith says that God is real and God is Lord and, because of this, there is ultimately nothing to fear. We are in safe hands. Reality is gracious, forgiving, loving, redeeming, and absolutely trustworthy. Our task is to surrender to that.”- Ronald Rolheiser, Prayer Our Deepest Longing


The rain will come
washing your face
and water the camellias.
The rain will come
washing the face of the hill
and flood the river.

To engage God is personal,
total acceptance without certitude.
But we are persistent with our questioning,
wanting assurances.
The forest will bloom and decay
or be destroyed by our foolishness.

letter is obsolete?

“Christmas letter is obsolete.”

Facebook has been telling the story.

The letter is for emphasis:

What is remembered and forgotten,

the understanding of what  it meant.


The story began with a bear,

scary bear, went down the mountain

to meet me: imprinted in my mind.


The farthest we travelled, to the south,

Key West Islands, to visit friends.


One and a half hour drive  to the north

to visit vineyards and taste wines.


A teacher guided me

how to survive the forest

taught me what to eat, 

how to find water, shelter.


A cold spell 

descended in the village

the mountain, white again,

the bear in hibernation.


I did not know.

A tiger truly scared me.

A nurse examining my eyes every hour. 

monitoring my consciousness.

The wait and the healing.

I could drive at night again,

go to high altitude.


“I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.”

I like to believe it was true

in the first half of my life.

I’m way on the second half.

I surrendered my baton

to a higher power, the ancient One.


I will spread my arms

welcome the dawn,

place my palms together

and bow. Merry Christmas.



note:In the midst of Jesus’ anguished prayer asking his Father to take his cup of sorrow away…

“Then an angel appeared to him, coming from heaven to give him strength.“ (Luke 22:43)

from: Can You Drink the Cup? by Henri J.M. Nouwen

photo: Key Wesuary, 2013

photo: Jerusalem, September 2010